she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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