I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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