did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
