guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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