I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
