Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
