that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
