It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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