Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
