dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
