dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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