we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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