It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
