definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
