As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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