it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
