Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
