how can u be prego again
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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