i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
