Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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