Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
