true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
