Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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