We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
