I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
