How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
