What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
