she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
