wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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