If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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