we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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