I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
