Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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