Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
