She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
