if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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