at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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