Got a toothbrush?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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