So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize