Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
