Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
