omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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