OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
