at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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