Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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