Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
