Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
