From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
