I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is wine microwaveable?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
