The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
