sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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