i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
