U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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