i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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