So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
