you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
