That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
