when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
