Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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