i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
