WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
