Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
