May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
