So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
