Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
