I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
