I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
