One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
