the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
