that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize