It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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