"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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