So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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