Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
