I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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