I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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